Striving for the Spirit

Day 3 of Holidailies – entry two.  Oops.  The hazards of putting the kids to bed when they go to sleep in my bed.  I lay down with them, just until they fall asleep… and then I wake up at 3 am, still in my jeans and with all the lights on downstairs.  And with my entry unwritten.  Fortunately for writing, they are with Tom tonight, so the only Sleep Rays I need to resist are those of the dogs.

Tonight I started working on making holiday cards.  I haven’t sent out a letter in at least three years.  Not since the separation.  I’m not sure if I’ll write a letter, but I am enjoying creating the cards.  I pulled out all of the supplies – the scrapbooking paper and stickers and inks and stamps, the markers and embossing powder, and the die cutter.  I spent a good couple of hours working on just one card.  And for those two hours I wasn’t overthinking things.  I wasn’t worrying.  I was just enjoying myself.  A small taste of the season, and maybe this is a way in.  One thing at a time.

This time of year has been hard for a while now.  I had some pretty fierce anxiety and depression in the weeks after Miriam was born.  It was this time of year three years ago when I finally hit the wall with my marriage.  Last year I got hit with a stomach flu that put my on my ass mentally as well as physically, and then I had to figure out how to do Christmas for the kids when I could barely keep from committing myself.

In between, though, from about February until November 8th, I was doing really well.  I’m not letting this pull me off course entirely.